


Androids can't be Irrational

by JessLovesBooks



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: But only vague, Connor is the only rational one, Established Relationship, Everyone's an idiot but Connor, Gavin gets shot, Gavin is emotionally stunted, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nines is terrible with his emotions, Protective Nines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 05:39:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16907151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JessLovesBooks/pseuds/JessLovesBooks
Summary: Caring for Gavin after he's shot causes Nines to realise how much the human has affected his life





	Androids can't be Irrational

**fear**

/fɪə/

_noun_

an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.

 

 

Nines didn’t believe that he an irrational being, he’d always used logic and preconstructions to navigate that which he felt uneasy over.

There was a confidence to be gained over being the one that others turned to in upsetting or dangerous settings, he couldn’t be relied on to bring comfort or warmth. He was dependable to those around him to impose and intimidate, to bring relief when he arrived with the detective to scenes where there were dangerous factors at play.

His protocols were second to none, the ease with which he could enter a building and dispatch unfavourable numbers, the lack of fear he displayed even if it were unintentionally so. He’d been happy to use the body that he’d been given to assist in any way he could.

The idea that anything could phase him hadn’t factored in until the day he’d stood and seen his detective shot at.

He’d been too far… not able to reach… too far… Gavin’s blood pouring down his side… everything had narrowed to the point of entry where the bullet had torn through flesh and muscle. He could only see red, shooting the remaining combatants, _red_ dripping through his fingers, pressing as hard as he safely could against the damaged skin as he’d reported an officer down.

Gavin had been fine, after several days in hospital, then quite a few more at home where Nines had been determined that the man would want for nothing. Ignoring all of the complaints and forced Gavin to just let somebody else let take care of the _stubborn_  fool.

He’d taken the same time off as the detective, all of the hours he’d logged in overtime and never having to take a day off unwell paid off for the android. If it hadn’t then he’d have been fine resigning, the fact that he’d said as much had probably contributed to his break.

Nines spent his time cleaning, cooking, soothing the detectives sore muscles with heated palms and ignoring the grumbling about not needing to be looked after. He’d refused to let the man walk around his own home for the first few days, militantly there whenever his human had tried to do so.

Even when Gavin half heartedly whined about being able to do things independently it was gratifying to know that Nines was there if his human needed him.

What Gavin had failed to realise was that by looking after him Nines could ignore the straining pain he felt race along his wiring whenever he replayed the scenes of that night.

Gavin’s body jerking back at the slam of bullet meeting body, the spray of blood, Gavin’s whimper that Nines doubted he was meant to have heard but the sound of his name from the detectives mouth wouldn’t stop playing in his mind.

 

_Failure. Failure. Failure._

**Prime Mission Directive**

_> > Protect Gavin Reed <<_

_Failure. Failure. Failure._

__

* * *

 

__

Gavin’s return to work had been an underwhelming affair, Hank had told him so when Nines had left Gavin alone for an hour to collect a get well gift Connor had prepared for the detective. Gavin refused to allow anyone to visit.

That Nines alone was allowed in Gavin’s home was everything. 

Gavin had ignored everyone as he’d gone straight to Captain Fowler’s office and Nines had felt a twitching disruption in his system that he couldn’t follow, couldn’t be attached to his human like he had been for the last few weeks.

Returning back to his desk Gavin had given him a nod before diving into his pile of paperwork with more enthusiasm than Nines had ever seen the man capable of.

The usual routine of work had normally been a comfort, regularity had always been Nines’ security. It followed the lines of his basic coding, the rules he’d been designed to follow.

Now he found that every time that they were called out, every crime scene they came to had him distressed, the need to place Gavin in a safe, preferably secluded environment where the detective could not be harmed became an undeniable scarlet objective that never fully left his visual display.

Nights where the detective would let him into his bed would help ease the tension Nines had started to permanently carry. Gavin’s hands and lips would leave him filled with white noise and his overworking processors dulled down.

In the day he’d become surprisingly paranoid, compulsively scanning and then re-scanning everywhere, dreaded the time when Gavin had to leave his side even for interrogations, the image of Connors death overlaying all of the distractions he’d tried to give himself, the certainty of danger inevitable in their job.

He’d known things were coming to a head when he’d found himself standing between his human and Connor, fists clenched.

They’d been attending another training session that the Captain had arranged for force. It was a well thought out programme, the aim to enable humans to learn methods to assist them in their work now androids were part of the mantra Serve and Protect.

Connor had always been the one called for to demonstrate, to show how the officers could safely approach and how best to restrain if the situation called for it. Although for advanced models it would be a futile gesture, the standardised models would be a lot easier to detain.

Gavin had been far to excited to pair up with the android and watching the two of them had Nines leaning forward from his position against the back wall next to Hank.

The moment that Connor had pulled his human and forcibly swept the man off of his feet Nines had been moving.

His own protocols had been designed superior to Connors, to adjust and dominate his predecessors own, separating the two had been as easy as breathing if he’d been required to. Connor had stepped away immediately, hands up, eyes wide.

“What the _fuck_ are you doing?!”

Gavin’s anger had seeped into Nines’ conscience and he was very much aware of the silence around them, Hank standing with his hand at his holster, the sight jarred him more than anything else. The overwhelming data of the image combined with the erratic biometrics he’d scanned from the detective cascaded over his vision until it became almost unbearable.

Nines did a very human thing and ran.

Not literally but his legs moved him quickly away from Connor, ignoring the androids mental pleading for a connection, to talk. Nines was out of the building before anyone could gather themselves and follow him.

It was the first night that he’d stayed away from the detective since they’d started their relationship. He’d had no intention of leaving until he’d ran enough diagnostics that one would finally come up with the error that explained his despicable behaviour.

Unlike the last time that Nines had messed up, Gavin didn’t appear at his door and threatening to knock it down.

When the noise of movement came it was Connor that had stood patiently on the other side of the door and after a moments pause had pushed past him without waiting for permission.

__“_ Will you explain to me what was wrong today?”_

_“Nothing.”_

Nines didn’t have to reply to any of this nonsense, he was more than capable of analysing himself without the need for help. He didn’t want to look at Connors disapproval.

__“_ Really? Why did you leave Detective Reed looking scared then?”_

Nines face had shot upwards towards Connors gaze then, detecting the lie a moment too late on the androids face had him feeling more defeated.

__“_ Sorry, just needed to see if you were still there, you acted like you were under your code.”_

Nines felt his anger then, the coding that under all of Gavin’s smiles and touches Nines could feel faintly pulsing alongside his thirium pump.

_“You would know nothing of that feeling Connor.”_

_“Fuck you Nines.”_

The expletive had shocked him and then he’d felt an interface being pushed upon him.

 

_He’s not here, not now, but Amanda’s standing opposite him, the snow battering his body as he tries to escape. She can’t be right, he’s chosen to become deviant, he’s chosen Hank, it can’t be a pre designed plan, it’s his choice!_

_PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME._

_It’s cold, painfully cold, he’s alone now, He’s pulling up a gun, god no, he doesn’t want to, the target in front of him, Markus, please Markus move._

_PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME._

_He can’t find his way out, the Zen garden is so different now, the deterioration that he’s contributed to has ravaged the place. He can’t see, Elijah Kamski’s voice in his head. But there’s no escaping this._

_He’ll never see Hank again._

_PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME._

_He can see the monolith but its too far, he’s crawling but he’s also raising his gun, fingers feeling for the interface pad, hovering over the trigger._

_Please he just wants to see Hank._

**_PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME._ **

**_**** _ **

Nines slammed back into his own body and he’s intensely aware of everything around him. Connors breathing harshly in front of him, stress levels dangerously high from the memory.

_“Connor… I… I didn’t realise…. I’m sorry.”_

The words feel inadequate, not enough for the judgement that he’d unfairly heaped on the android.

_“It’s alright, just don’t forget that your not alone Nines, even if you act like it. Now will you tell me what happened earlier? Please.”_

Connors fear made sense suddenly, the belief that Nines had lost control in a similar fashion, that he had been a danger due to his own coding.

_“You came alone thinking that I was…”_

_“I’d hoped that I was wrong. I’ll always trust you Nines.”_

Nines wanted to explain but he couldn’t understand it, so he braced himself, gathering up all of the data that he’d experienced since the night Gavin had been ~~**shot _ _.__**~~

Gavin and Connor, if he can’t trust either of them then he hadn’t a reason to exist.

Connors expression upon receiving the transfer softened and he looked almost sadly at Nines. It isn’t an expression that Nines liked.

__“_ Oh Nines, your afraid of losing Detective Reed.”_

_“Fear is an irrational concept Connor, we weren’t programmed to experience fear.”_

_“We weren’t programmed to become deviant either.”_

To use Gavin’s favourite word… Fuck.

__“_ How do I eradicate this fear?”_

_“It’s not that simple Nines, you need to talk to the Detective. If he’s the reason your afraid he’ll want to know.”_

_“You make the task seem simpler than it is.”_

_“When I feel fear then I know Hank’s always there. Detective Reed will wish to do the same for you.”_

Nines didn’t know whether Connor was right or not. He’d only been with the detective for such a brief span of time, it seemed dangerous to put such a load on the human and expect him to burden himself for Nines.

_“You won’t know unless you speak with him Nines.”_

 

* * *

 

Standing in front of the detectives door, Connors advice had been seemed logical until he’d gotten here. Instead he was now stuck, not able to work out what he should do, all of his preconstructions coming back riddled with errors.

Knocking had felt oddly formal, he’d always been allowed in freely, using Gavin’s spare key as requested for the last few months.

The sound of rushing feet reached him before the door swung open revealing Gavin standing in front of him, face flushed, breathing hard and body shaking.

That body slamming into him, arms wrapped around his waist and tightening with a force that would have hurt if Nines had been human.

Nines wasn’t sure what to do with Gavin in his arms like this, the detectives body trembling almost violently.

The answer was given to him when Gavin pulled back and his fist flew towards Nines’ face, automatically the android caught it, the damage to the detectives hand if he’d connected was not acceptable.

“Where the fuck have you been?”

The detective seemed angrier if that were possible, when he tried to punch with his other hand Nines caught it with his own free one and held it pinned both between them. Moving into the apartment seemed advisable as Nines stepped inside pulling Gavin with him and closing the door with his foot.

“What happened earlier you fucker? You act like the fucking terminator then run off and I have to listen to Connor freaking out and taking off after you! Seriously you plastic prick what the fuck?”

That Gavin would be worried about him hadn’t entered into his thought process, that he’d gotten into such a worked up state over the idea that Nines could be in trouble.

“Seriously where the fuck did you go!”

Nines wasn’t sure if the detective would try and hit him again, so he kept his fingers locked around the humans wrists, tried to think of a valid explanation that he could use for what had happened that day. If Gavin had been an android this would have been so much easier. The offload of all of the information that had gathered in his processors dedicated to this _fear _.__

The idea had merit though, to be able to reel off all of the data but instead of an interface to do it verbally, so he’d tried to organise his thoughts in a collective order and then told the detective everything, from the beginning to end, the need to emphasize how important it was to him that Gavin was safe, it wasn’t that much different than a report which had helped. When he’d finished Gavin had stared at him, face deceptively calm and voice low as he’d pulled back against Nines’ grip.

“Who asked you to control my fucking life?”

Nines had said it wrong, he’d conveyed something incorrectly and now he had to try and fix the problem before Gavin decided he was done with them. Finding words through the desperate panic that had invaded his system however was another matter. The strain of his thirium pump trying to cope with the pressure sent multiple warnings that demanded attention that he couldn’t give.

“It’s not that I wish to…”

“Wish to what asshole? Fucking tell me what I can and can’t do? Don’t do anything Gavin in case you get a boo boo.”

The humans stress levels had risen unforgivably high and Nines had caused it, the way Gavin’s voice had risen mockingly bordering on hysterical.

“Or what I’ve got to sit in a locked house all fucking day so nobody gets me! Or is that to much space might as well make it a fucking padded room-”

**“I DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE.”**

It had taken a moment when they’d both paused for Nines to realise that the desperate static filled words had come from him. Gavin stopped speaking just to stare at him, mouth open and all Nines wanted to do was touch the human, to try and relay the mess of symbols and digits that made up his feelings.

Instead Gavin surged forward and out of surprise Nines had released his grip on the humans wrists, just in time for them to be wrapped around Nines’ shoulders.

Determining which one of them had been shaking was an impossibility. All Nines could focus on was the feel of Gavin against him, the fear that he’d felt claw through his wiring finally easing a fraction. If Gavin was touching him then he hadn’t done irrevocable damage. He’d raised his now free hands and stroked them gently along the shivering humans back just as he’d felt the wetness pressed against his chest. Nines hadn’t been designed for this, not to comfort the detective and he felt a desperate yearning for that knowledge.

“I thought you’d fuckin’… that if you’d changed back…. I fucking swear I was gonna find you… I didn’t want to risk messing up if you weren’t you… Connor knows what to fuckin’ do… I should have come anyway, I’m so fucking sorry…”

Gavin’s muffled voice, scratchy and rough had made Nines realise exactly what the detective had been getting at. Realisation at who Gavin’s anger had been directed at.

“Gavin I don’t know what I’m meant to do.”

A snorted hiccuping laugh pressed into his chest, the humans breathing slowing down at long last.

“Does it look like I do?”

“I’m sorry for my behaviour earlier.”

“Don’t go.. Please.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Gavin had still not moved in his arms and Nines wasn’t sure if this was meant to be one of the occasions where he’s supposed to take the lead. He’d been saved from the problem when Gavin had pulled back, grabbed his shirt sleeve and yanked him along behind the human. Nines had found himself lying on the bed, pressed as close against Gavin as Nines suspected could be. The whole situation was a first, uncharted waters, unsure of what he was supposed to do now, not willing to move away from the human though. Gavin’s voice cut through the darkness of the room.

“I don’t know what I would have done if you’d turned back. I don’t want you to die either.”

It’s a sudden and startlingly obvious thing then, Gavin’s indirect admissions, that Nines had taken this long to work it out he could only attribute to the stress he’d put his processors through. That they were both fearful of the same thing, was it another irrational thing that the idea brought a warmth spreading through his chassis from where Gavin was touching him.

That he’d ever thought that Gavin wasn’t as attached to their arrangement as himself was now laughable, Nines had been foolishly afraid enough that he hadn’t calibrated his preconstructions correctly to realise that Gavin wouldn’t react as a normal human would have.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t speak with you.”

“Yeah, well don’t make that fuckin’ mistake again.”

“I promise.”

Nines wasn’t entirely sure that they’d resolved the issue properly but they’d made some sort of a start. Nines could deal with anything else another time, that as long as he could try and make Gavin happy everything would be alright. They stayed in the position for such a lengthy time that Nines had thought that the human would be nearing his sleep cycle.

“Nines.”

“Yes Gavin.”

“Don’t leave.”

“I’ll stay all night for you.”

“No… just don’t go… for real.”

Any chance that the pulsing ever present coding would reassert itself became submerged under the onslaught of emotions that raged at the fear in the detectives voice. His next words carried the weight of everything that Gavin had become to him, all of the emotions that he could never show normally to the human. But if Gavin had atypical reactions for a human then maybe he wouldn’t be judged for his own irregularities.

“I won’t ever leave you Gavin.”

**Author's Note:**

> I think this is the closest I get to writing anything angsty for now, but thank you for reading if you made it this far it's very much appreciated :D


End file.
